Don't you send me to vm
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
