We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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