i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
