i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do vagina's smell?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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