oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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