the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Actions speak louder than pants.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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