i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
