Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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