I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
