man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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