Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
