I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
