Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
