lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
