My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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