Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
