why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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