Kiss
Puke
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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