I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
