My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
