I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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