Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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