Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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