I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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