he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
