How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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