apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
