Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
