I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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