I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
