You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I supernannyed him into submission
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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