If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Are these your boobs on my camera?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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