Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
