The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
