drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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