Welp...herpes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
