btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
