He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
