i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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