Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
