Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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