Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
