No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
