I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
