Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
