i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
