I need to stop coming to work sober
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
