Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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