He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
