Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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