Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
