What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
