She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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