Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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