The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
