the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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