Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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