AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
