Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
