Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
