i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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