What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize