Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
