Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
