yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
