Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
whose ass print is on the piano?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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