Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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