What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
