I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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