To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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