Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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