Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
