Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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