I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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