don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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