my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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