the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize